Actually Asten

There’s something strange about reading your old writing — like time-traveling back into the head of someone you used to be. Recently, I re-read parts of my book Rainbow Balloons for the first time in years, and… wow. Cringe levels: off the charts 😭 But underneath that secondhand embarrassment, there was something tender. Because Rainbow…

Every now and then, I catch myself wondering what my life might have looked like if things had been different. Not out of regret — more out of curiosity. That soft, far-off kind that drifts in when you’re making tea or staring out of the window. The kind that asks “what if?” but doesn’t expect…

8 October 2025 · by Asten I’ve started working on Pop Song again — the story that grew out of Rainbow Balloons and that little part of me that used to want to be a decorator. It’s funny how old dreams resurface in new shapes, isn’t it? At its heart, Pop Song is about fear…

Nothing about having kids appeals to me — and that’s okay. Nothing about having kids appeals to me. And that’s not sad, or empty, or a missing piece — it’s simply the truth of who I am and the life I want. I don’t want the sleepless nights, the school runs, the constant responsibility. I…

Sometimes life shifts so quietly you don’t notice at first. Then, one day, you pause, look around, and realise just how far you’ve come. That’s exactly where I am right now. If you’d told me a couple of years ago that I’d be here — engaged to the love of my life, doing work I’m…

When I first heard the phrase “expert by experience”, I wasn’t sure if it really applied to me. I didn’t have a degree in autism studies, I didn’t have letters after my name. What I had was my story — messy, complicated, sometimes hard to talk about, but mine. And that’s the point. Being an…

For a long time, my past seemed like something to run from. But now, I feel like I’ve made peace with it. At sixteen, I got involved in the world of the “looners” — balloon fetishists. After being afraid of balloons for so long, they became a fascination to me, and before I knew it,…

Setting the record straight with a side of chaos. When I was 22, I wrote a book called Rainbow Balloons. It followed Anna, an autistic 18-year-old with a fascination for balloons who (without realising it) ended up modelling for a fetish site. One reviewer — an actual looner — gave it 1 star because it…